Barbados “blogger” Censors Baruba Post Online

Today’s Editorial:

As a newspaper with the proud tradition and heritage of serving Barubans faithfully for almost 88 years The Post recognises the Internet has caused the news playing-field to tilt dramatically as so-called “bloggers” swamp our browsers with information largely gleaned initially from respectable print organs like ourselves.

Do we fear “bloggers?” Do we think they’ll force us print vehicles out of business? Will advertisers spend all their money with Google?

The Post’s answer to all three is a resounding “NO.”

Why? Because if they live long enough and get sufficient “hits” blogs – and the “bloggers” behind them – start to think what they publish is of any significance. You can easily spot when this happens. When the “blogger” starts to take herself – or himself – seriously.

Case in point: A Barbados “blogger” who seems most interested in the number of hits he – or she – generates on Google.

And who writes about every topic with screaming headlines as if he/she is our only source of news..

Cases in point:

Pakistan On Verge Of Collapse – Taliban Heading For Islamabad and Nuclear Weapons

Or

Swine Flu Scare Decimates International Travel – Barbados Suffers With Other Prime Destinations

And censored a trivial “comment” by a junior Post employee making fun of “Swine Flu” and “enhanced interrogation techniques.”

How do you know when your “blogger” has lost it?

When he/she becomes as irrelevant, as nutty – and irritatingly self-important – to you as the call-in radio hosts.

Swine Flu Update – No Tourist Kissing Please

Alarmed by wall-to-wall, round-the-clock news reports from North America about the rapid uncontrolled spread of swine flu the titular head of the Baruban Ministry of Health, Beauty & More & More Safer Sex, Dr. Winston J. Scantlebury MD, OBE, PhD, today issued a stern mandate to the people of Baruba in his eagerly-awaited early morning Twitter.

In 140 characters – or less – he said, “Until further notice, Barubans are hereby and henceforth warned not to kiss North American tourists arriving from Canada, Mexico and the USA. More later on my nightly Facebook.”

The Post has learned this drastic measure was prompted by a dire warning from Dr. Richard Besser, acting director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, Ga.

“This is moving fast and we expect to see more cases. I advise Americans to wash their hands frequently, to cover coughs and sneezes and to stay home if they fall ill. I also urge all citizens to wear masks and not kiss or touch anyone. Especially in densely forested low-lying tropical areas.”

A leading  Baruban Shoreline Executive when asked to comment said this could severely damage his income. I’ll just have to give prolonged body-rubs with more sensitivity than usual. On the husbands too, if they ever get over their initial shyness.”

Swine Flu Symptoms – Baruba Joins Barbados Tourist Control

Reuters News Agency: (The following news bulletin flashed over our wires at 18:oo hr (ET) on Sunday 26 April, 2009)

Wishing to keep Barbados free of the latest panic pandemic from tomorrow – Monday – all passengers traveling to the island will be asked to answer 4 simple questions correctly at their port of embarkation before being allowed on their plane or ship.

1) Do you laugh when late-night comics make jokes about torture?

2) Do you believe the highest-ranking government officials who sanctioned waterboarding should be put on trial and executed if found guilty like we did to the Japanese and Germans after WWII?

3) Have you used the expression “enhanced interrogation techniques” instead of the word “torture” in the past 14 days?

4) Have you – or any member of your traveling party – been on a farm recently?

More than one “yes” and you’ll have to find yourself another tropical island paradise.

(Contacted only moments after the news flash hit the fan a Baruban Government spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous said “sounds like another wise Barbados decision. Apart from not having floodlights at the World Cup Cricket. But we’ll be doing whatever they do. Although I did enjoy “Judgement at Nurnberg.”)

Bernie Madoff Yacht Missing – Pirates of Caribbean Hunted

Baruba is today in a state of extreme alert. With citizens advised to report suspicious behavior around hidden secluded coves in the uninhabited north of the island where Pirates of the Caribbean are known to pillage, rape and plunder large luxury ocean-going yachts. And those who sail in them.

Bernie Madoff’s “Hedge Fun” Missing – Believed Pillaged, Raped & Plundered

This after “Hedge Fun” the large yacht confiscated from Wall Street swindler Bernie Madoff and anchored off Baruba disappeared from its moorings late last night during another of the recent suspicious island-wide power cuts.

Brought here by an irate Madoff investor who lost his entire fortune in the so-called Ponzi scheme who hoped get some of his investment back by stealing the “Hedge Fun” under the noses of US Justice Department officials and offering it for sale on eBaY.

(Ed. There is no Extradition Treaty between Baruba and the United States.)

Announcing the greatest land, sea and air operation ever launched by Baruba, Prime Minister Sir Baldwin J. Scantlebury OBE WAN KAN OBE yesterday told the nation “nothing will stop us eradicating this insidious disease that’s threatening to kill our lucrative luxury yacht business.”

He ordered our only helicopter to keep a sharp lookout while taking cruise sheep passengers on the “$200 for 5 minutes around the island tour”, the jeeps carrying visitors on so-called “Safari Tours” to exercise even more extreme caution than usual in isolated northern parishes and at press time “The Spirit of Baruba” the Word War II frigate donated by Italy as a peace gesture was being fueled-up with coal and the cannons and balls oiled to prepare for a possible confrontation at sea.

According to a U.S. administration spokesperson Sir Baldwin also called the White House to ask if the United States could offer succour but was told, “The entire U.S. navy is in the Caribbean right now to protect President Obama but mainly to deliver his bulletproof limo and 60 black SUV’s with tinted windows during his visit to Trinidad and/or Tobago on Wednesday so “Go Succour Yourself.”

(The Baruba Water Dog Society reminds visitors there are still a few left. They swim longer and faster and can be bought on eBaY. But hurry while stocks last.)