Richard Gere Gets Nude Pics Apology

Large swathes of readers of the print edition of the Post on Sunday were apparently incensed yesterday by published pictures of Richard Gere lazing on Baruba’s famed 3-mile ‘Sir Anthony Eden Beach.’

Over 20 calls were received saying it was an outrage for Gere and his wife to willingly take their impressionable 8-year-old son to the section of Eden beach reserved – and clearly signposted “Adults Only” – expressly for nude sunbathing.

Soon after the pictures appeared the Post also received a call from Gere’s crack Beverly Hills showbiz attorneys Perry, Perry, Chew & Perry demanding an unconditional apology and a written guarantee the pictures would no longer be published in print.

The Post unreservedly apologises therefore and guarantees the pictures will no longer be published in print. In lieu of damages the Baruba Post is prepared to make an appropriate low-four-figure contribution to a charity of Mr. Gere’s choice.

In the interest of full disclosure for online readers who may feel disadvantaged by missing the print edition – which sold out in minutes – these are the pictures causing all the kerfuffle.

Have a nice day.

(Editorial Note: The Baruba Post on Sunday frequently publishes pictures of nude Hollywood celebrities spotted on Sir Anthony Eden Beach. Have you consdered a subscription?)

Where is Baruba?

Excerpted from the 2009/10 Sunday Times Caribbean Beachcomber Travel Guide.

Until 2005 when the government of Prime Minister Sir Baldwin J Scantlebury QC, OBE, WAN, KAN, OBI, KFC lifted the 50-year-old ban on tourists – introduced when an unmarried British couple from Nottingham were seen to be having sex often on the island’s public transportation system – Baruba was relatively unknown and hard to find on most maps of the West Indies.

Baruba remains proudly and defiantly not a member of any world association (UN, FIFA, UNICEF, NFL, NBA, BBC, OXFAM, etc.) which is a matter for serious debate in parliament when Baruban citizens have to pay full prices for tickets to World Cups, Olympics, Heavyweight Boxing Championships and Bruce Springsteen concerts.

Baruba with its unique lush vegetation is a rugged mountainous island, the smallest in the Inner Leeward Archipelago approximately 440 nautical miles due NNW as the crow – or the indigenous yellow-beaked sea egret – flies from Barbados. Although no record of any bird making the trip alive exists. It is easy to distinguish coconut-shaped Baruba from the air. According to ancient cartographers Baruba (or “The I’ve got a lovely bunch of Coconut Isle” as Christopher Columbus jokingly called it) is the only perfectly coconut-shaped-island in the world.

Baruba is renowned for its thick jungle rain forest which covers approx. 91% of the island and where oversized creatures breed and flourish at an alarming rate. The three toe sloth while rarely seen is Baruba’s best known mammal and leaping fish – thought to be unique to Baruba – leap, breed and flourish in the many streams and rivers flowing – many at dangerously high speeds – to the Caribbean Sea.

Baruba’s main tourist attraction is the 3-mile long “Sir Anthony Eden Beach”. Named by The New York Times in 2006 to be among the 5 best beaches worldwide it is said to have the finest, whitest sand to be found anywhere. A small cottage industry has developed making egg-timers with Baruban sand for domestic consumption only since the government places strict restrictions on the amount of sand to be harvested.

Until the “Sir Norman Foster” luxury hotel – owned, designed-by and named after the world’s greatest living architect – is completed hopefully by late 2012 visitors to Baruba must satisfy themselves with – as Barubans call it – “Typical Baruban Accomodation.”

In wooden beach shacks dotted at discreet distances between each other on Eden beach. Discreet because the government having long overcome the ban on public sex displays is promoting the possibility of such activities in Baruba’s first ever advertising campaign to run on CNN and the BBC later in 2009.

Most Barubans, the majority, live in the hinterland of the island – off limits to tourists for nature conservation reasons and to keep Baruba’s flora and fauna breeding and flourishing prodigiously – and to a large extent grow and catch most of the staples needed to stay alive on an island without a supermarket.

In Baruba the temperature varies little from 28 °C (82 °F), moderated by constant trade winds from the Gulf Stream which today’s mariners are convinced starts its thousands of miles voyage at the northern tip of the island. Yearly precipitation never falls below 1,000 mm (40 in), most of it falling before breakfast and in late autumn.

The Baruba flag design will be familiar to Battle of Britain pilots. It was chosen to commemorate those brave men and women who kept Britain free in 1940 and designed by a Wing Commander Hancock and Group Captain Neddy Seagoon who lived together on Baruba briefly in the 1950’s before returning to England to try their hand at radio comedy and flag designing if that failed.